Postpartum and Covid-19
Planning for your postpartum period during normal times can be a bit scary and confusing. You have never done this before. It is difficult to know how much support you will really need. Often new families hire a postpartum doula. Many families plan to have a family member come and stay with them whenever that is an option. Your friends or churches set up a meal train to help with meals once you are home from the hospital as well. But what do you do when that is not an option due to the current shelter-in-place restriction?
Preparing for your postpartum period during a global pandemic is a scenario that no one planned for. There are many unknown challenges that new parents are currently facing with coronavirus or COVID-19 that could never have been predicted in advance.
As a birth doula, one thing I do well is unpredictability. Birth is always unpredictable and you need to be able to problem-solve calmly and quickly. Many of my clients are learning to navigate this in real time. I want to share with you some ways that we are working together to address some of the challenges they are facing in hopes that we can help you prepare for bringing your baby home too.
Please keep in mind that there are many unknowns at this time. Recommendations may change and we need to be as flexible as possible moving forward.
Doula Q&A:
Postpartum Care and the Coronavirus.
What do we do if the person we planned to have helped us take care of our newborn is no longer able to? We often plan to have our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other older trusted family members come to our homes when our baby is born to help teach us how to care for our newborn. These individuals are considered high risk at the moment and are being asked to stay in their homes for safety. Since many in-person newborn care classes are being suspended at this time, I recommend finding an online course for you and your partner to take together. An online course offered by a local trainer is a great way to support small businesses in your community too! Several local doulas, including myself, are offering virtual classes on Childbirth Education, Breastfeeding, and Newborn Care at this time.
Since we are not able to have our out-of-state relative stay with us as we planned due to travel restrictions, how will my partner and I get any sleep? The whole “sleep when baby sleeps” advice is usually an unrealistic expectation. I think it is a better idea to form a plan or create a schedule that will allow both you and your partner to get some sleep. Yes you will both be tired however, sleep is essential to supporting your mental health, so try and find ways for both you and your partner to stay healthy. Remember this should be a restful time for all of you, and it is ok to leave some things undone. Baby-wearing is also a great way to hold your baby close while you move through this time.
As a new dad, I feel so helpless since my wife is breastfeeding our baby. How can I help? Even in the best situations, this is often a common worry for dads. Remember there is no right way to parent, so ask your partner for ideas that may be most helpful to her. My number one suggestion is this: when your wife is feeding the baby, you feed her. It takes a lot of mental space to decide how to nourish yourself after birth. You are often so tired that once your baby falls asleep your options are: to eat, sleep, or shower…. and sleep usually wins. Feeding your body is the best way to not only support your breastfeeding journey but to heal your body after birth. Helping with snacks and meals for your wife is the best way to support not only her but your baby as well.
I am worried that my husband and I are just so exhausted that our connection to each other is being strained, how can we still connect while we are in survival mode? Now is a great time to find out what your “love language” is. Everyone experiences love differently. I suggest each of you make a list of tangible things your partner can do that feel loving. You are going to be tired, and in many ways you will be in survival mode, but it is much easier to navigate this time when you feel loved and supported. You are becoming parents together, remember this is a time of growth in your relationship. Do you know your Love Language?
I am really struggling with feelings of isolation, what can I do? Now is the time to be creative with human connections. Friends and family are often worried about calling new parents for fear of waking them. Let them know what you want and need from them during this time. Maybe designate a time of day that you can have an online coffee date with your girlfriends over Zoom. Or maybe you can turn your text notifications to vibrate only, then have everyone text when they are thinking of you, that way when you feel like checking your phone you have messages waiting for you to lift your spirits.
What if I know I am already at high risk for postpartum mood disorders? How do I support my mental health? Most therapists recognize the enormous need to continue to support their clients at this time. Know what the symptoms and warning signs for Postpartum Mood Disorders are. Reach out to your therapist before delivery and find out if they are continuing to support clients virtually. Create an account with whatever online platform they plan to use to conduct appointments and consider setting up an appointment in advance as space may be limited. Also, consider talking with your OB or Midwife during pregnancy about how they can help you create a safety plan that feels right for you.
I am so scared to take my new baby to the doctor for their well-baby check, what should I do? You are not the only parents worried about how pediatricians are handling the coronavirus risks at this time. Reach out to your child's pediatrician and ask them if they have new policies in place for well-baby checks. Ask about how they are addressing risk factors. Are their nurses seeing both sick and well children, or have they separated those patients between separate nurses? Are early morning appointments reserved for well children when offices are still clean from nightly deep cleaning? Are there specific waiting room policies for children who have a cough or fever? Well-baby checks are important and should not be skipped, so please be sure your pediatrician is creating an environment that you feel safe in, otherwise consider if they are the right doctor for your baby.
I do not have a thermometer for my baby, because they are sold out everywhere, where can I get one? Many thermometer companies online are offering pre-sale options to purchase their products, and are sending them to you as soon as they become available.
How do I prevent spreading germs in my own home? The CDC is an excellent resource on how to keep your family as safe as possible. Practicing frequent proper hand washing is your best defense. When hand washing is not an option, use a hand sanitizer. Limit your exposure to others and practice social distancing. Keep surfaces clean. Do not wear your shoes in the house that you wear out into the world and having separate clothes that you wear only in your home is not a bad idea.
What if friends and family still want to visit me but I am scared to let them, even though I do want them to meet my baby? Now is the time for each of us to explore our personal boundaries regarding safety both physically and emotionally. It is important to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations with our loved ones about our comfort levels. Talk about how each person is practicing social distancing. Know that these decisions are personal, and not without risk. This is your baby and it is absolutely okay to say no! They will have a lifetime to love on your little one, maybe those first meetings could be held on Facetime or Google Duo for now.
What if I need lactation support? Many local lactation consultants and IBCLCs are conducting virtual support to clients in need of their support. Your doulas, pediatricians, hospitals, and midwives will have a list of providers in your area, so please reach out to them for their recommendations. Also, remember that your doula is a great breastfeeding resource as well!
I planned on having a postpartum doula, is that still an option for me? Just like most birth doulas, postpartum doulas are working swiftly and creatively to be able to still support clients to the very best of our ability and many of us are offering virtual support. Postpartum doulas are a wonderful asset to add to your birth team. Please do not hesitate to reach out to the doula of your choice to see how they can serve you at this time.
Support Group:
The doulas that I work with and I are in the process of creating an online support group that will meet over Zoom once a week. This group is for women who are expecting or have recently delivered and are faced with new parenthood in the midst of this pandemic. Online chat groups are always an option, but we feel seeing everyone face-to-face will help new parents connect and feel less isolated during this time. Please message me for more information.
Online Resources:
CDC: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
WHO: World Health Organization
CDC: Pregnancy & Breastfeeding Information about Coronavirus (COVID-19)
Above all remember that this is your fourth trimester. Now more than ever, remember that your only job is to feed and snuggle your baby… everything else can wait. Be gentle with yourself and others as we learn together to navigate these strange, wonderful, and challenging times.
Much love and aloha to each of you,