Is Your Doula an Advocate or Ally?

Is your doula your advocate or your ally?

I rarely hear the word ally used in doula circles, however, I hear the word advocate being tossed around frequently. Here in Kansas City, I get asked often by potential clients if I will be their advocate. As a doula I know that the words we use are important, so please allow me to share my perspective on this with you.

Advocate: a person who pleads on someone else’s behalf.

As a doula, am I your advocate? Absolutely yes!!! But, there is also a second part of this conversation that is important and that is what an advocate actually is. An advocate is a person who speaks on your behalf when you are unable to do so yourself. There are many instances in birth when this is the case, like when you are not being listened to by medical staff, under anesthesia, or during a medical emergency. Now let’s talk about what advocacy is not. Advocacy is not amplifying my voice in place of your own. If I tell you, you deserve a voice in your own care and then I turn around and speak for you, am I not also taking away your voice? I can not tell you that you have a valid voice and then speak for you, I would literally be perpetuating the idea that you can not speak for yourself or even messier that you are not “worthy” to speak for yourself… YUCK, I am uncomfortable with that on so many levels!!! As your doula, I will help create an environment for open dialog between you and your care team. I will give you all of the information you need to make well-informed decisions. I will offer you questions you may like to ask. I will stand with you when it feels scary to speak up. When you have something to say, I will support you one hundred percent! AND If you are in a place where neither you nor your partner is capable of communicating your needs and wishes then I have and will be your advocate.

Ally: to join forces with; to side with or support.

My core values are equality, honesty, and integrity, and I apply these core values to all aspects of my life. I can not, and will not, perpetuate a system that infantizes women at their birth. I will not marginalize anyone who historically has been silenced. I will not imply even in a small way that my voice is somehow more valuable than yours. If we wish to change the way women are viewed during their birth, we must change the entire system. As doulas we can not simply speak on your behalf, we must consciously and actively honor your ability to advocate for yourself thereby giving that power back to all women. It is my job to create an environment where you truly believe in your own strength, ability, and intuition. It is my job to give you the tools, information, and comfort you deserve in your birth. It is my role to share wisdom with you as your equal like women have done for each other for centuries. It is important to me to meet you where you are, and then support you while you do hard and scary things. I will stand beside you, not above you. I will hold your hand and share my strength with you. I will always respect your wishes and I will fight for your ability to have a voice in your own birth. I will not take your power away in even the smallest of ways. You are strong, you are brave, and you are worthy… and I promise to truly see you. This is why I am both your advocate and your ally.

I am both your Ally and your Advocate.